happy birthday blog

it's been a year on the blog, so let's see...the photo part of my life is sort of split into a short last semester in college during which i figured out that seeing life through a camera was more me than typing it up on a page. i somehow slipped into a job in connecticut. was somehow lost, somehow clueless about photography. how i made it into the american diversity project three months later, i don't know. but that's where the other part starts. a year ago i roamed rural kentucky in search of photos i didn't shoot nor see and i felt so bad i didn't think i had the right to ever touch a camera again. ever. i was blown away by everyone's work and wanted to curl up into a ball most of the time. or eat my card instead of handing it over to the editors every day. at the same time i've probably never wanted to get better at something so bad so urgently and so passionately. i sensed there was this way of expressing myself and finding access to a world i already loved. photography quietly moved beyond feature/spot news/general news and sports action trapped in some angsty portfolio to a raspy voice coming from within me. and somewhere in between i started to see. sporadically here and there but enough to keep going.
this last year is a dense accumulation of meeting some of the nicest and most open people i ever have. of being present in life. of appreciating and celebrating humanity and hurting over the bullshit we often turn it into. i've slipped into this photo community that has been an ever-expanding safety net sprinkled with adventures and pure goodness.
i still want to swallow my card and donate my camera to the kid on the corner about every other day. but maybe i've grown more OK with that. i mean somewhat maybe. and at least i've found people who can carry me through. who've at some point also wanted to swallow that gig of memory in plastic.
i know words often are scarce on this blog. so excuse my mile-long post but i had to get this out. thanks!